Because caring for children from hard places takes more than heart—it takes support.
By Nicholas DeYoung
Introduction: The Unseen Load
Every foster parent remembers that first call.
The moment the phone rang and the voice on the other end asked, “Can you take a child tonight?”—your heart raced. Maybe you said yes before the question was even finished. Maybe you hesitated. But whether you’ve taken in one child or twenty, you know this journey is unlike any other.
Foster care is a calling filled with beauty, heartbreak, grit, and grace. But here’s the hard truth: it’s also a road filled with stress, confusion, and constant change.
You’re navigating trauma responses, biological family dynamics, court dates, caseworker turnover, licensing requirements, and—let’s be honest—your own exhaustion. Most foster parents get a few weeks of training, a binder of resources, and then are expected to figure it out as they go.
That’s where coaching comes in.
The Three Things Every Foster Parent Secretly Needs
Whether you’re new to foster care or a seasoned veteran, odds are you’ve felt the need for three things—whether you could name them or not.
1. Clarity in the Chaos
Foster parenting often feels like juggling fire while walking a tightrope—blindfolded.
There’s the court schedule to follow, the emails from the GAL, the therapy drop-offs, the family visit logistics, the laundry pile that never ends, and the constant low hum of “Am I doing this right?” running in the back of your mind.
It’s hard to make thoughtful decisions when everything feels urgent. And when every child comes with different needs, different case goals, and different trauma histories, there’s no manual to follow. Just instinct—and often, a lot of guesswork.
That’s why clarity isn’t a luxury; it’s a lifeline. Foster parents need space to zoom out, breathe deeply, and make sense of what’s happening—not just react to the next crisis. Clarity is what helps you go from surviving to strategizing.
But here’s the problem: most foster parents don’t give themselves the time to do that. And the system rarely encourages it.
2. Permission to Care for Yourself
Let’s be honest: the martyr myth is alive and well in foster care.
You’re told—implicitly or explicitly—that if you’re tired, you just need to try harder. That saying “no” to another placement means you’re not committed enough. That if you’re feeling burned out, maybe you’re not cut out for this.
That’s not just untrue—it’s dangerous.
Foster care is emotionally taxing work. You carry the weight of children’s trauma, the grief of temporary relationships, and the guilt of not being able to fix everything. If you’re not careful, compassion fatigue sneaks in and starts rewriting your story. You stop feeling, or worse—you start resenting the very kids you want to love well.
Every foster parent needs a rhythm of rest. Not just once a year when respite shows up, but weekly—even daily—practices that refill your cup. And someone in your corner to remind you: You matter too. Your limits are not liabilities. Your humanity is not a weakness.
3. A Partner Who Gets It
You can talk to friends about parenting, but they don’t always understand what it’s like when a child hoards food, or screams for three hours after a visit with mom, or flinches at a raised voice because of what they’ve endured.
You can talk to caseworkers, but they have caseloads so full they can barely remember your name some weeks.
You can talk to your spouse—but what happens when they’re overwhelmed too?
Most foster parents are deeply isolated—even while surrounded by people. What’s needed is someone outside the system, who knows the system. Someone with the wisdom to guide, but without the power to judge. A trusted companion who can hold space for the messy middle.
That’s what most of us are missing. And we often don’t realize how much we needed it… until we finally experience it.
Why Foster Parenting Can’t Be Done on Auto-Pilot
Every placement brings new challenges. A baby with prenatal exposure. A sibling group adjusting to a new school. A teenager who’s been through five homes in two years and refuses to unpack his duffel bag. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution.
But here’s the trap many foster parents fall into: we think we have to figure it out ourselves. We downplay our exhaustion. We settle for surviving the week. We say things like “It’s just a season” or “Once this case closes, I’ll get back on track.”
But the seasons keep coming. The case plans shift. And slowly, burnout sets in like fog—so gradually you don’t notice until you can barely see where you’re going anymore.
What’s needed isn’t just more information. You’ve already read the books. You’ve gone to the trainings. You know about trauma and attachment and regulation.
What you need is transformation. A shift in how you show up. A re-centering of you in the midst of everything you’re managing. Not because you’re the most important part—but because if you fall apart, everything else does too.
That kind of transformation doesn’t happen accidentally. It happens with intention. It happens with guidance. It happens when someone walks alongside you and says:
“Let’s look at this together.”
“You’re not crazy for feeling this way.”
“There’s a better way to carry this load.”
What Coaching Is—and Isn’t
Let’s be clear: coaching isn’t therapy. It’s not about diagnosing trauma or exploring childhood wounds. It’s not a hotline or a how-to manual. Coaching is different.
It’s forward-focused. Goal-oriented. Personalized.
It’s about creating space for reflection and action. About clarifying what matters most to you and helping you take practical steps toward it. About shifting out of survival mode and into sustainable rhythms of caregiving, leadership, and life.
Whether you’re preparing for your first placement or just said goodbye to a teen you raised for years, coaching helps you pause, reflect, and move forward with purpose.
Real Talk: “But I Don’t Have Time for That”
That’s exactly why you need it.
Coaching isn’t one more thing on your plate—it’s the plate itself. It’s the support structure underneath the meals, the case plans, the therapy appointments, and the bedtime stories. It’s the thing that holds you so you can hold everything else.
Even one session can reorient your perspective and relieve some pressure.
What Coaching Can Do for You
Imagine…
- Walking into a family team meeting with confidence and clarity
- Setting goals for your home and actually reaching them
- Communicating your needs to a caseworker without guilt
- Feeling equipped to navigate complex behaviors with calm
- Celebrating the small wins without minimizing your exhaustion
That’s what foster care coaching does. It’s not magic. It’s momentum.
Who It’s For
- New foster parents who feel overwhelmed and underprepared
- Veterans navigating burnout or family dynamics
- Kinship caregivers caught between loyalty and limitations
- Adoptive parents adjusting to post-placement realities
- Anyone ready to grow in resilience, rhythm, and relational depth
Final Word
You are not alone. You were never meant to do this alone.
Every foster parent deserves a coach—not because you’re failing, but because you’re fighting. And the best fighters know that strength comes from community, reflection, and a plan.
Even if you didn’t know it before, you know it now:
You need a coach. And I’d be honored to be that for you.
Inkpad Coaching Lab 
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